


its hard bein a kid

by lanqu_e (lankque)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Emotional Baggage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 03:12:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18274616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lankque/pseuds/lanqu_e
Summary: Karkat helps Eridan through some emotional baggage.--CG: YOU WANNA BE A GOOD PERSON? YOU WANNA BE BETTER THAN WHO YOU USED TO BE?CG: THAT SHIT DOESN'T JUST MAGICALLY HAPPEN.





	its hard bein a kid

**CA: you evver think about howw shitty you wwere as a kid**

**CG: OH ALL THE FUCKING TIME**

**CG: IT'S GODDAMNED EMBARASSING WHAT A FUCKING TOOL I USED TO BE. NOT THAT I'M NOT STILL A RUN OF THE MILL SCUMBAG, BUT AT LEAST I'VE MATURED SOMEWHAT.**

**CG: WERE YOU ASKING ME THAT FOR MY MELODRAMATIC TAKE ON MY PAST SELF? BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.**

**CA: fuck no**

**CG: WELL FUCK YOU TOO!**

**CG: SERIOUSLY THOUGH. DO YOU NEED TO TALK, MAN?**

**CA: maybe a little**

**CA: ivve just been thinkin a lot**

**CG: ABOUT?**

**CA: wwell**

**CA: obvviously ivve fucked up a lot**

**CA: and i dont blame anyone for not forgivvin me for shit**

**CA: honestly i wwouldnt forgivve me either**

**CA: ivve done a lot of growwin**

**CA: im not that six swweep old kid anymore**

**CA: im a fuckin hell of a lot older noww**

**CA: and**

**CA: i dunno**

**CA: sometimes i feel bad for the kid i wwas you knoww**

**CA: maybe its not personally relateable to you since you havve a wweird hate fling goin on wwith yourself at evvery chance you get but meetin wwith all these humans and talkin to them gets me to thinkin**

**CG: YOU'VE STATED THAT YOU'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOUR PAST SELF THREE TIMES IN THE PAST FIVE FUCKING MINUTES.**

**CA: okay fair**

**CA: to cut to the chase i wwas young and dumb and stupid and i feel bad for little me**

**CA: i feel bad for all of us at that age actually**

**CA: bein a kids confusin**

**CA: i wwas flirtin wwith evvery person i could evvery chance i got wwhich obvviously got me fuckin nowwhere**

**CA: the hemospectrum basically ruled my life im not sayin oh poor seadwweller cause i definitely had it wway better than i wwould havve otherwwise but**

**CA: all my stupid militaristic shit i wwent on and on about and the wwhole dumbass urge i had to be better than anyone else**

**CA: the wway that i insisted i didnt need anyone cause i wwas just fine by myself wwhich i wwasnt of course and obvviously i wwas lonely**

**CA: all that just fuckin alienated anyone wwho faced the misfortune of carin for me**

**CA: if anyone actually did**

**CG: WELL**

**CG: IF I DIDN'T AT LEAST PITY YOU, I WOULDN'T HAVE SPENT ALL THAT TIME HELPING YOU SORT SHIT OUT.**

**CG: PRETTY SURE THE DISEASE OF FRIENDSHIP INFECTED US SOMEWHAT.**

**CA: thanks kar**

**CA: i guess wwhat im sayin is**

**CA: i wwish things had been different**

**CA: evven though i knoww wwith all this dumbass paradox wwibbly wwobbly space shit thats an impossible wwish**

**CA: and that im one of the farthest things from the damn alpha timeline**

**CA: i wwish i hadnt hurt anyone**

**CA: my plan to join jack wwasnt wworth fuckin killin our friends ovver**

**CA: maybe if i had allowwed myself to fuckin feel feelins and talk about them i wwouldnt havve pushed fef awway like i did either**

**CA: or kan or you**

**CA: and i guess since im vvomitin this sappy shit all ovver my keyboard it doesnt matter if i say that it fuckin hurts**

**CA: all the time**

**CA: and i knoww no amount of apologizin wwill erase the past or the hurt or wwhat ivve done**

**CA: it doesnt evven feel wworth apologizin cause im fairly sure no sane person wwould fuckin forgivve me**

**CA: it feels like all i can do is isolate myself in the furthest corner of the dream bubbles and wwait for time to forget me**

**CA: all the other mes are fucking douches too**

**CA: maybe im the oldest me here maybe im not but it dont feel like any of us learned our fuckin lesson**

**CA: and wwell keep on and keep on and keep on bein fuckin awwful troll-aquatic beins until the end of time because its wwhat wwe deservve**

**CA: evven talkin about all this ovveremotional sappy trash feels like im throwwin a fuckin pity party for myself**

**CA: roll past all the dead mes heres an invvitation and one for you and one for you sir**

**CA: wwhos the party for oh havvent you heard wwere throwwing a fuckin pity party because wwere the wworst**

**CG: OK HOLD UP**

**CG: I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THROWING A FUCKING PITY PARTY FOR YOURSELF. YOU'RE FORGETTING THAT I'M A MASTER OF SELF-LOATHING, SECONDED ONLY BY FUTURE ME BECAUSE MY ABILITY TO DESPISE MYSELF ONLY GROWS STRONGER WITH EACH PASSING MOMENT.**

**CG: (FUCK FUTURE ME BY THE WAY, JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE.)**

**CG: YOU KIND OF HIT THE METAPHORICAL NAIL ON ITS FLAT LITTLE HEAD, MAN. YOU'RE FEELING BAD FOR YOURSELF.**

**CG: AND I GET IT. FEELING BAD FOR YOURSELF FEELS FUCKING GREAT, BECAUSE WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE HORRIBLE, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER HORRIBLE THING YOU WANT TO AND WHEN YOU HAVE TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES YOU GET TO LOOK YOUR UGLY MUG IN THE MIRROR AND GO "SEE? I TOLD YOU, ASSHOLE!"**

**CG: "I TOLD YOU YOU'RE A BAD PERSON!"**

**CG: AFTER THAT, THE CYCLE CONTINUES. THE PITY PARTY NEVER ENDS.**

**CG: BUT THE THING IS, YOU GOTTA STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF, BRO.**

**CG: I KNOW THAT'S A REAL TOUGH CHALLENGE, GIVEN THAT YOU'RE AN EGOTISTICAL DOUCHE WITH FINS, BUT I DIGRESS.**

**CA: you alwways knoww just wwhat to say /s**

**CG: THANKS I KNOW IT.**

**CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, THE KEY IS THINKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU HURT, SINCE YOU CLAIM TO FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. YOU SAID THAT YOU DON'T APOLOGIZE BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FEEL WORTH IT, BUT THAT'S NOT UP TO YOU TO DECIDE, DUDE.**

**CG: FEFERI? SHE DESERVES AN APOLOGY, MAN, AND IF SHE DOESN'T ACCEPT IT, THAT'S HER DEAL.**

**CG: YOU GOTTA OWN UP TO YOUR OWN SHIT THOUGH. AND, YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU *WON'T* BE FORGIVEN, AND THAT'S FAIR, TOO.**

**CG: CONSIDERING YOU KILLED THEM, BUT**

**CG: YOU WANNA BE A GOOD PERSON? YOU WANNA BE BETTER THAN WHO YOU USED TO BE?**

**CG: THAT SHIT DOESN'T JUST MAGICALLY HAPPEN.**

**CG: YOU NEED TO COP TO THE SHIT YOU DID, APOLOGIZE, AND MAKE AN EFFORT TO BE DIFFERENT.**

**CG: REMEMBER WHO YOU USED TO BE, BUT DON'T OBSESS OVER IT. WORK HARD AND THAT PERSON WON'T BE WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.**

**CA: ...**

**CG: SO...?**

**CA: hey**

**CA: kar**

**CG: WHAT?**

**CA: im sorry**

**CA: for evverythin**

**CG: I DON'T FORGIVE YOU RIGHT NOW, ERIDAN.**

**CG: BUT**

**CG: WE'LL WORK ON IT.**

**CG: OKAY, BRO?**

**CA: i think im okay wwith that**


End file.
